Mr Senile Monkey

It is my intent to write a series of MR SENILE MONKEY stories for children. They will be written in very simple english and maybe someday printed in a limited edition with cutesy drawings. Untill then, make do with Mr Senile Monkey’s bio…

Mr Senile Monkey is a 58 year old chimp who was born in the jungles of the Congo. One day when he was a just toddler he accidentally fell into a crate of bananas bound for consumption by the students of the Dublin business school in Ireland. (It was believed at the time that the Potassium in bananas was a necessary dietary supplement for the mind destined for a career in business.)
Mr Senile Monkey survived on the contents of the crate while in transit and quickly made his escape when it arrived in the schools kitchens. For the next 6 years he lived in the school, hiding in the attic, underneath the floorboards and in the ventilation, paying attention to the lessons and gradually becoming very adept at the main concept of what makes a successful businessperson; talking shite.
Shite is a subject very close to Mr Senile Monkeys heart, or rather his digestive system because as a monkey, he is naturally adept at being able to produce vast quantities of shite at short notice for everything from sealing cracks in the walls of his monkey home to using it as a defensive weapon.
When he was finally confident he had all the skills he needed and he could walk upright for sustained periods, he got himself a little suit made at Louis Copland, prepared a stunning CV and had several copies printed out on the finest linen paper. The sharp suit and classy paper were perfect at distracting prospective employers from his monkey like status and his verbal ranting was like a lullaby that put logic to sleep and he soon had a very well paid job.
Thus began a long career of doing as little as possible, covering offices in shite, throwing shite in the faces of colleagues at meetings and when all else failed, just shitting out the window.
Mr Senile Monkey in 2006. He knows retirement is six sweet years away and he is going to move back to the Congo with his wife (Mrs Senile Monkey, met during visit to the zoo in 1972, married happily since 1973). He is more determined than ever to make everybodys life a misery because he knows he can get away with it, as he always has.
He has become interested in computers in recent years, but doesn’t know nearly enough and gets frustrated easily, usually leading to him having a hearty shite all over the computer or on the keyboard. His mortal enemy is IT BOY who gets called up to 15 times a day with screams of “YOU IZ NOT DOING YUR JOB, YOU IZ SCREWING MY BRODUCTIVITY, BRODUCKTIVITTY IS EVERYTHING, I NEED TO PRO-DUCK!” Mr Senile monkey speaks in capitals. He is loud.
When IT BOY opens the door to mr senile monkey's office, he is often met with a greeting spray of warm shite but since he now holds open an umbrella in front of him when opening, Mr Senile Monkey has counteracted by creating a moulded spear of shite which he leaves to dry on his window sill to pierce the umbrella and with any luck IT boy’s flesh someday; He’s still working on the right fibre constituency.

I think kids everywhere would pay real money for
"BOOKS OF DELIGHT ABOUT A MONKEY WHO SHITES"
That ho' who wrote Harry Potter aint got Shite on me (and my monkey)
You heard it here first.