I got an email from a local funeral director this morning with a copy of their brochure. It may have been a mistake on their part but I couldnt resist replying to cheer myself up.
All photos from their classy brochure.
Mmmm. make mine a Mellifont..
Hi Kate,
Not sure if you sent this sent to the right address, unless you know something I don't or its just cold call advertising (pun very much intended).
Anyways I had a look through the brochure and the whole 'autumn of life' melancholia hits the spot. However, I would suggest next years brochure has that extra bit of oomph, perhaps a nice pan pipe version of 'the living years' by Mike and the Mechanics playing when you open it up. This would help with the sale of the more expensive crokeboxes. I call it the guilt push.
Perhaps having a coffin around the house 'just in case' has become de rigueur for the increasingly credit disenfranchised middle classes. I guess that in this crazy mixed up world the only certainties we have are birth, death and taxes (well, in fairness we've always had them but it makes you sound really wry if you say it in conversation again). So I can see why people would be thinking 'lets have a coffin that can double as a conversation piece coffee table - eg. Honey, Where's the sky remote?...I left it on the Memento mori darrrrlin'!
Right, I'm nearly done now but half way through the second paragraph, I was struck by the crushing implications of my own morality so well done there but I do think I'd better get a quote off you to make me feel in some way that I've prepared for my doom.
I would like a quote on what I can expect to pay for the finest hickorywood coffin, with really rusty hinges that make as much noise as possible when opened. On the side i would like bas relief woodcutting of the second-last supper, (the one where they ordered thai food) and of course a wireless alarm for me to press in case I'm mistakenly buried during a deep sleep. I bet it's happened more than once but ye keep it under wraps, eh? - speaking of which I'd also like to be mummified.
Anyways have a lovely day and don't be so weird. xx molty.
Anyways I had a look through the brochure and the whole 'autumn of life' melancholia hits the spot. However, I would suggest next years brochure has that extra bit of oomph, perhaps a nice pan pipe version of 'the living years' by Mike and the Mechanics playing when you open it up. This would help with the sale of the more expensive crokeboxes. I call it the guilt push.
Perhaps having a coffin around the house 'just in case' has become de rigueur for the increasingly credit disenfranchised middle classes. I guess that in this crazy mixed up world the only certainties we have are birth, death and taxes (well, in fairness we've always had them but it makes you sound really wry if you say it in conversation again). So I can see why people would be thinking 'lets have a coffin that can double as a conversation piece coffee table - eg. Honey, Where's the sky remote?...I left it on the Memento mori darrrrlin'!
Right, I'm nearly done now but half way through the second paragraph, I was struck by the crushing implications of my own morality so well done there but I do think I'd better get a quote off you to make me feel in some way that I've prepared for my doom.
I would like a quote on what I can expect to pay for the finest hickorywood coffin, with really rusty hinges that make as much noise as possible when opened. On the side i would like bas relief woodcutting of the second-last supper, (the one where they ordered thai food) and of course a wireless alarm for me to press in case I'm mistakenly buried during a deep sleep. I bet it's happened more than once but ye keep it under wraps, eh? - speaking of which I'd also like to be mummified.
Anyways have a lovely day and don't be so weird. xx molty.
